So what actually happens when you lose your spouse? WOW, there is so much that has gone into this.
Not only did I lose the person I thought I’d spend forever with, but most importantly the father to my boys, I’m now a single mom.
I lost my husband, but I also lost the life I thought I’d have forever, the one with him in it, the future we’d planned together. I no longer have the title of being his wife, or the duties of a wife, nor do I have the one person I told everything to and consoled with when I needed help figuring things out. It’s a shift in my world that I never imagined walking through.
I lost a version of myself that existed with him and often look in the mirror and see a completely different version of myself, because to be honest. The version of myself I knew when he was alive, died with him. Its a weird thing to explain but also the only way I know how to explain it. It’s an experience that changes you, it makes you numb, but also makes you look at life in a different perspective.
For me, I no longer want to downplay ANYTHING, because I always think in the back of my head, we have one life to live and that’s it.
How To Deal with Grief
The question is as a widow, do you truly ever move forward? Or do you just learn to live with what is while dwelling on the life you once had with your partner?
The truth is you learn to live with your grief while also learning to live again. Its a completely different life, but you have to put your foot forward or be stuck. I’ve learned to keep myself busy, find hobbies that AREN’T draining. Things like this, blogging. Decor, and filming my day to day and sharing it with you all. I know I’m not the only widow to ever exist, but what I will say is that, this has been a hard road to navigate and in order to not fall down a rabbit hole of questions, the why’s and …. Depression. It’s best to keep on moving, even when that one person that was apart of your daily decision making and the one you were excited to come home to, is no longer there.
To anyone that’s lost a spouse, I understand and I’m here for you. Keep on pushing.
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